Dear Amanda,
This feels like some kind of alternate Ask Ashley segment from All That episodes of yore, but I have to talk to you. I heard about what you’ve done. And all I have to say is: I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that you’re an idiot.
Amanda, how could you do this to us? You are one of the few young actresses in Hollywood that I don’t want to stab the eyes out of with my Thespian Troupe President pin. And trust me, that is saying something.
I’ll admit it: I don’t like your movies. She’s the Man was horrific. That “manish” accent you donned needs to only be used by southern gay gents on a porch while they sip lemonade. I don’t have time for that. But other people do! Young girls love your movies! I’m not your target audience–but they are. And they desperately need some good female role models that don’t want to become vampires. So why are you jumping ship?
Stop playing chicken with us.
I personally have always appreciated you because you are one of those few, fortunate women who can get away with physical comedy and weird accents because people genuinely…don’t mind you. You’re not brooding and annoying like Kristin Stewart or dumb as a paper clip like Miley Cyrus. You can be quirky and cute like in Hairspray without having to rely on your ability to sex it up. You’re also not on every newsstand constantly bombarding us with how thin or happy you are. And maybe it’s because you’re boring that you are let off the hook but at least you don’t have people double checking that you’re wearing flip flops into gas station bathrooms. The media gives those other girls more attention which is why they get parts. But remember that people like you. They think you’re a stable person. And in case you were wondering: that’s a good thing.
Let’s face it, all of those other starlets that are “stealing your limelight” are probably going to die soon. Lindsey Lohan or alien twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen all seem so obviously effed up that it feels like it could be any day before one of them kicks it. Please hold out, Amanda. Keep being that down to Earth girl that we all wish you are in real life. I know we’ve forgotten about you, but your time is coming. Don’t make retirement plans that you can’t back up. What do you think Alexis Bledel, Hilary Duff, or Evan Rachel Wood are doing at this very moment? Rubbing their Kabbalah bracelet and scanning Perez Hilton for news of the latest celeb death, my friend. I suggest you pull up a pity yoga ball and do the same.
With mild love but gushing hope,
Kiki
You know I love you, girl, but you sure do have interesting tastes in female actresses! I mean I guess this should come as no surprise, coming from the girl who loathes Kirsten Dunst but loves Ashley Tisdale… and really, I guess it kind of rationalizes these types of opinions on actresses that I previously found bewildering, you coming out guns blazing in support of A. Bynes and all. I’ll admit, I didn’t really know much of the li’l lady’s work, but I definitely agree… I liked her. She seemed down to earth both as an actress and as a human being… the “Will Smith” of young white girls, if you will. And while I don’t think any Sophia Coppola movies were in her future (which for me would have been a good indicator; for you, perhaps notsomuch), I do think she could have assumed Jennifer Aniston’s role in Hollywood quite nicely. So here’s hoping she hears your plea!
this is what i’m saying! i don’t like her movies, but other people do. and i like her more than i hate other actresses. jennifer aniston is the perfect comparison. i just think it’s sad that she’s giving up at 24. i’m 24 and look at what i’ve done with my life…time for a margarita.
I don’t really like her too but i think she’s more better than Lindsay lohan and miley ho really sucks!
So, you know what this made me think of? At the end of Season 3 of The Office on the episode entitled “Beach Day” Michael is trying to pick his replacement becasue he thinks he is getting a job at corporate. He makes all of the staff go through all of these crazy contests and then he tries to explain the leadership qualities he is looking for. He says “I am looking for someone who has a sense of humor like Bob Hope.”
Kelly: Who’s Bob Hope?
Michael Scott: God! He’s a- he’s a comedian.
Kelly: Oh like Amanda Bynes.
Michael Scott: Who’s Amanda Bynes?
Kelly: She’s from ‘What a Girl Wants’.
Michael Scott: Oh! I love that movie.
Amanda Bynes – don’t give up. Some people think you are funny.
This is LEGITIMATELY a for real LOL post. CANNOT STUFF GIGGLING!! Fantastic writing that young Kiki exhibits….
Lies. She’s the man was hillarous.