Raising Hope

The story of a boy who knocked up a girl that was actually a murderer and then got sentenced to death so now he’s raising a kid with his lovably simple minded parents and senile Maw Maw. I’ll admit that at first I thought this show was just trying to milk (pun intended) the joke made popular in The Hangover: inept man takes care of infant. Hilarious right? Well, luckily that’s not really at all what this show is about. Jimmy, the boy in question, earnestly wants to be a good dad. He’s got a lot of heart and compassion. I don’t think we’ll be seeing him make his baby do jerking off hand gestures any time soon. The show has hints of My Name is Earl (and I say that as someone that never watched an episode but gathered that it was all just about making fun of republican hicks) but with the sensibility of How I Met Your Mother (the humor comes from relatable characters and relationships instead of relying solely on pop culture references and over-the-top antics). We’re only two episodes in and you can catch up on Hulu. I say give it a spin. It’s a really cute show.

Outsourced

The story of a boy who was ready to start a brand new management position for American novelty products when he suddenly learns that to keep his job he’ll have to move to India. Way to finally tap into the Bollywood scene, Hollywood. This show is just plain charming. It’s The Office but without all of the unbearable awkwardness. Just a group of people, in a room, coping with one of the worst jobs known to mankind: customer service. I love that it takes place in India because it allows the writers to shine a light on all of the bullshit things that Americans consume. I look at every product in their catalogue and can think of at least one person that I know that would not only buy it, but would show it to me the second I come over to their house, giggling like a little girl. It’s sad but true. And I know, I know, I’m only 1 episode in, but I’m hopeful. I think it looks pretty funny and easy to watch. And that’s what this 24 going on 44 girl needs.

First impressions:

1. I love that the opening of this trailer mirrors the opening of the 6th movie with the flashing bulbs and completely dark grey palate.
2. I’ll say it: Dumbledore’s tomb looks ridiculous.
3. I canNOT handle watching Harry look at his parent’s grave. I’m tearing up just thinking about it. Will this be a sob fest? OH. Most definitely.
4. That music really picks up! I thought this movie was going to be more slow moving and provide a deeper character analysis. I was wrong? This trailer is making it look more flash-zoom-quick-pan than I had anticipated.
5. I refuse to look at any of the other “Harrys” than the one in the blue jacket. Oh. My. God. What character is wearing that 80s powers suit?
6. That fight between Harry and Ron is going to be really good. Rupert really stepped it up for the last movie and I’m excited to see him keep up the good work.
7. DOBBY! You gonna die.
8. And then I just think, other than the war at Hogwarts, what’s left? I mean, they cover a lot of it. How can the last movie be their patent pended 2 1/2 hours when all that’s left is Gringots and Hogwarts?

Obviously I need to a. reread the book and b. watch this trailer 24 more times. EEEEEEEeeeeee! I just love it so much!

But I wanted to be sure to give you guys a run down of who you should be Youtubing on your lunch break. I loved them and hopefully you will too.

Nick Thune did NOT look this good when we saw him. But he was hilarious and even picked on my friend Travis. I should preemptively send him a “you’re welcome” card for name dropping him on PopFountain.

Garfunkel and Oates. They were actually very awkward on stage and I’d say that their stage presence could use some MAJOR work. But their songs are still pretty funny and this one was a for sure highlight.

Mmm Donald Glover from Community. I love him something fierce. PS he looked way cuter in Seattle. No mustache, poofy-er hair and little emo glasses. I was crushin from my front row seat.

I also liked Joe Mande and Chelsea Peretti, but there were no videos of their stuff really. So maybe they are so up and coming that holy crap you heard it here first and you should definitely credit PopFountain when they become famous. And stuff.

And of course, the creme de la creme, Patton Oswalt. First introduced to me by your very own PopFountain co-author Michael Trenary, Oswalt was by far the funniest person I saw all weekend. If he’s ever touring in your city GO.

Do they take renters?

Yes, I am 24 years old. And yes, I did travel from Seattle WA all the way down to Orlando FL (which is a whopping 3,000 miles away) all in the name of Harry Potter.

Harry Potter Wizarding World opened in June 2010 as an additional attraction at Universal Studios. Going to Orlando for anything other than Disney World is one of the highest forms of treachery in my family. Yet here we were, my two sisters and I, making the long ass journey all the way there. But my god, was it worth it.

It took a while to get to the actual Wizarding World. Like any good amusement park tycoons they knew that it was their big ticket item so they make you hoof it through all of these crazy places like Seuss Land before you make it to the Hogwarts Gates. Momma wanted to see more hippogriffs and less loraxes (loraxi?) so I was keeping a brisk pace. When we finally reached the entrance it happened so quickly I kind of missed it. I thought the entrance would have been more grandiose and I would feel a magical shift in being. I didn’t. But I didn’t let that get me down. We were finally there and we had some serious ground to cover.

The Wizarding World itself isn’t that big. If we’re going to compare it to Disney World which, let’s be honest, I’m going to be doing this entire review, it would be comparable to Adentureland in the Magic Kingdom. So, not as big as Fantasyland, but not too shabby. The crowds were pretty thick, but we arrived at 8:30 am and were able to beat a lot of the rush. Don’t let it fool you when it says that the doors open at 9 am. That’s crap. But we successfully visited every attraction that the Wizarding World had to offer and stretched it out for an amazing 8 hours. (I’d say a typical visit should only last 4 or 5 depending on lines). So here’s what to look forward to along with some insider tips:

It's not a challenge when I'm riding.

RIDES

Dragon Challenge: This is their big ticket roller coaster. The premise of the ride is that you have been chosen to compete in the Dragon Challenge of the Triwizard tournament. On your way into the tent you pass “Go Potter” signs and a crashed Ford Anglia. Once you make it in the tent you can lay your eyes on the Goblet of Fire and then snake your way passed the Triwizard Cup. It’s completely dark as you look at all of these cool movie artifacts because they don’t want you to be able to get good pictures or video footage. Losers. When you finally get to the roller coaster you have two choices, you can either ride the Hungarian Horntail or the Chinese Fireball offering different riding experiences as they loop and intertwine with one another. (Tip: I’d say the Fireball gave a better overall ride.) But both roller coasters were awesome. I would have gone on them each again if my older sister hadn’t been a pansy (parkinson).

Flight of the Hippogriff: I say you could actually skip this ride if you’re over 10. It lasts about 15 seconds and lacks any thrill or butt-out-of-the-seat moments. Along the way you will pass Hagrid’s Hut and as your ride takes off they ask you to “bow” to the hippogriff that is stationed at the foot of the coaster. Nice touches, but for us older kids we need something with a little more pep.

After watching HP1 every day for a whole summer, they decided to let us in to Hogwarts.

Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey: Perhaps the best ride I’ve ever been on (keeping in mind of course that I’m ridiculously obsessed with HP which might have a titch to do with it). First of all it is housed in a replica of Hogwarts castle. Mmm, done. Secondly as you wait in line you come face to face with tons of stuff from the movies (statues, the house points tallying system, the green houses with moving mandrakes, Dumbledore’s office with a talking Michael Gambon, the Defense Against the Dark Arts room where Harry, Ron and Hermione tell you that they want you to play Quidditch with them “but it’s going to take a bit of magic” and the list goes on…). And third, it’s just an awesome ride. Part simulation-in-front-of-a-screen and part ride moving on a track, this attraction has it all. You start by following Harry on his broomstick in front of a giant screen and with wind, music and all the moving around your “car” is doing, it really feels like you’re flying. But then, wouldn’t you know it, you run into dragons and dementors and spiders and the Whomping Willow and HOLY CRAP! The ride whisks you away from the screen where you start weaving your way around all of these dangers. (Tip: The spiders will “ooze” on you. You have been warned.) Finally you manage to dodge your way around all of these terrors only to land back at Hogwarts where the whole school is cheering for you and Harry thanks you for helping him out of danger. WHAT? Amazing. I had goosebumps the whole time. I all but lost my voice from screaming so hard at the practically-in-my-lap dragons and spiders. I just loved every second of it. By far the best ride with the longest line. But go. Enjoy the wait. Experience the freakin’ magic. (Tip: Both Dragon Challenge and Forbidden Journey won’t let you take on purses. One more way it’s better to be a wizard than a witch. You’ll have to check them in to one of their lockers. Luckily for us the lines weren’t long enough that we ended up having to pay for storage. The waiting line for Forbidden Journey however is hella longer because of their rather cramped locker bay. BUT! If you are a bit sneaky you can enter through Filch’s Emporium which is off to the right (and where the ride dumps you out), then you can bypass a part of the line, get a locker and zoom ahead to where the real line starts. Just a little something to help you speed up the process a bit.)

That head tasted great. I mean...

FOOD

The Three Broomsticks: This is where you go to get lunch or dinner. The menu is full of delicious treats like shepards pie, turkey legs, and fish and chips. It’s all tasty and of course a bit pricey. Fun Fact: They modeled the Three Broomsticks in the movie after the design for the restaurant at Universal because it was being designed prior to when they needed it. Cool! It looked like Gaston did most of the decorating and I liked it.

The Hog’s Head: Thank you Universal for understanding what Disney sometimes fails to grasp: Momma needs a drink. In this earthy pub you can get alcoholic beverages (huzzah!) and it features a beer made specially for this bar. You can also get a pint of ice cold butter beer, regular or frozen. (I wish I could let you all taste just how good it was. The drink was like root beer and cream soda mixed together. On top they add a separate whip of butterscotch cream to give you that much desired mustache when you finish your first sip. Please, let me be buried here.)

SHOPPING

All over the park are little shops that you can go in and get your fix of memorabilia. Tip: These spaces are cramped! Unlike Disney they need to work on how they intend to move people from one place to another. Often there was someone guarding both entrances to a shop, one to act as an entrance and the other the exit. It’s the only way to create flow in these tight spaces. Be prepared to wait in lines and get felt up by an adolescent.

Dervish and Banges: This is where you can get Quidditch supplies and try on robes. I won’t lie, I looked good.

Owl Post: Adjoined to D&B here you can buy stationary, send letters stamped from Hogsmede and weirdly you can also buy wands here. This was the tightest space we’d been in for sure and we got stuck in a loop of non-moving parents.

I've already worn it twice.

Filch’s Emporium of Confiscated Goods: As previously mentioned this shop is located at the end of the Forbidden Journey ride. You can get your photos from the ride or peruse their other merchandise like t shirts, house banners, picture frames, and a stuffed Fawkes. We dropped some sickles here for sure.

Honeydukes: Um, yes! Overpriced candy galore, delicious specialty treats like cauldron cakes and a beautiful atmosphere. I wish they had had a place to sit and sip a soda but room was tight. Still I love me a good chocolate frog.

Zonkos: Adjoined to Honeydukes you can buy all kinds of gag gifts in here. Not really my cup of tea but I think kids will really get a kick (in the face) out of it.

Ollivanders: Okay, BAMF alert. We waited an HOUR, yes the longest we’d waited for any attraction, to go into Ollivander’s. We were pretty convinced it was going to be lame but I insisted that we did everything the Wizarding World had to offer. And I’m so glad we did. Jackie got chosen to go through the “wand experience.” They cram about 15-20 people in a little room and chose one vertically challenged person to help them find their wand. You can watch the whole amazing experience below. And I’m sorry in advance to all of our Jewish readers.

I know what you’re thinking Jackie needs to work on her wand waiving. But that was COOL, RIGHT? Man, that like made the trip. She totally bought it and propped it up on a shelf. Best $30 she spent the whole weekend.

Other Things That I Love

The rest of the park was just wonderful. They decorated Hogsmede beautifully with snow capped roofs and cobble stone streets. It makes Orlando not seem like such a hot box of hellishly-humid, stagnate air. The gorgeous scores from all 6 movies play sporadically throughout the park bringing me to tears on more than one occasion. There is also a little area where you can see the Hogwarts choir sing a few songs or you can be the coolest kids ever and get your pictures taken with students from Durmstrang and Beauxbaton. And, as you enter or leave, there is the Hogwarts Express, prompting every weary traveler to take a sigh of relief: You’ve made it to this completely magical world. And it is so worth $86.

I will frame this.

Mom…???

At any rate, please accept this amusing little ditty as my atonement for services not rendered, and I promise you I will get that preview out by Friday morning!

You might be tolerable this year!

The Emmy nominations were announced today and I was SHOCKED with some of the results. And by that I mean that it didn’t look like an exact replica of last year’s ballot which is a huge breakthrough for the Emmys. I have been watching the Emmys since I was a little kid (probably long before the Oscars since I wasn’t old enough to watch any of the movies–but dammit I was old enough to watch Fraiser) and I gotta say, I’m pretty happy with how things shook out. Here are my random thoughts on the whole thing, take ‘em or leave ‘em.

-Jack Bender got nominated for his direction of the final episode of LOST and all I have to say is hallelujah. He has probably directed the most episodes of the show and is responsible for so many of those long, sweeping montages or action-packed running-in-the-jungle sequences that were so beautiful we can’t get them out of our head. I hope he wins but I also wouldn’t be surprised if it went to Mad Men or Breaking Bad.

-Shy Ronnie got nominated for Outstanding Original Music and Lyric as well as How I Met Your Mother’s Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit. Don’t make me choose! I love them both. But I guess since Andy Samberg already got a trophy for Dick in a Box, I should turn my support to NPH. He really does look good in a suit. But even better without. Hey-o!

-Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series: Snooze fest. Big shock that Matthew Morrison was nominated. There’d be gleeking rage across the country if he hadn’t. Hell he might even win it because this really isn’t about who deserves it. This category inparticular seems like one big popularity contest. I just can’t forgive him for The Thong Song and Tell Me Something Good. That butt clenching! I cannot. I’d really love to see Jim Parsons from The Big Bang Theory win it. Steve Carell, I just don’t think you’ll ever win for Michael Scott. *Boo face*

Tomorrow's Headline: Take off your shirt, Kyle.

-But Outstanding Lead Actor in a DRAMA. Now that one’s lookin’ like a good race! Matthew Fox from LOST, I want you to win so bad it hurts. You were such a welcome return to form this season (the writing for your specific character was stepped up immensely while others floundered a bit: i.e. Kate, Clare and Sayid) and helped remind us of why we fell in love with you in the first place. I’m also excited that Kyle Chandler got nominated for Friday Night Lights. I’ve only seen like 5 episodes of this show but let me tell you–he is quite the actor. Anyone else miss Early Edition? Anyone?

-Best buds Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are finally squaring off in the Best Lead Actress in a Comedy Series since Parks and Recreation was a legit good show this season. And yes, Lea Michele did get nominated for Glee. Keep your pants on.

-Here is where things start getting really crazy: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series. The cast of Modern Family put there names in the Supporting Actor hats so I’m not surprised to see Eric Stonestreet or Ty Burrell’s names on the lists. They are by far the best actors on that show. And good for you Jesse Tyler Ferguson, you’re not that great but they noticed you! Gingers are making a come back. But seriously now, Chris Colfer from Glee? Really? Because he can cry every damn episode? Guys, he’s actually gay. This isn’t some Philadelphia/Brokeback Mountain situation where we have to reward people for playing gay. Ugh. Yawn. Give more scenes to Kevin McHale who is actually talented so he can be nominated next year. In the mean time I want a Modern Family tie with Cameron and Phi

A part of me hopes that they hang out on the weekends.

-LOST’s Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson were nominated. Can we get another tie? Please?

-Glee’s Jane Lynch is squaring off to Modern Family’s Julie Bowen and Sofia Vergara. I’m gonna have to go Gleek on this one. Jane Lynch is unrelentingly funny on this show and every time she is on screen I’m either laughing or balling my damned eyes out. Make it happen.

Oh but hang on Glee fans, there’s more. For Guest Actor in a Comedy Series you got Mike O’Malley and Neil Patrick Harris picking up nominations, both well deserved. I’d love to see O’Malley get it. Maybe during the speech he could pull a GUTS and “give it Mo.”

-Betty White got nominated for her hosting gig on SNL because apparently wearing sensible shoes and making lesbian jokes qualifies you. If that’s true, then I should have been winning for years. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE me some Betty White. But a nomination? It wasn’t that great. I think they just did it because of all of the hoopla around her these days. I swear, if I see one more “I miss Golden Girls” Facebook status then Wayne Brady will be out of a job because I will have to choke a bitch.

-But for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama they got it right: Elizabeth Mitchell for her return to LOST. I’m crying just thinking about it. Why did you even bother to nominate anyone else in this category? She’s now the only Emmy nominated actress on this show and for good reason: she’s a bamf. And when will we have enough of this Mariska Hargitay business? Over it.

-Outstanding Comedy Series: the only thing surprising is that The Office keeps getting nominated. Let it die, my friends. Let it die.

-LOST is back on the table for Outstanding Drama Series! But they have some pretty stiff competition in Emmy darlings Mad Men and Dexter while newcomer The Good Wife seems to be what everyone is buzzing about. But I’m hoping this turns into a Lord of the Rings situation where you just let LOST sweep everything because it was the final season to a truly groundbreaking show and they deserve to stand on that stage.

-Oh hey Conan, way to get nominated for The Tonight Show while Leno got diddlysquat. No surprise there. His speech could be the stuff of legend so I’m desperate for him to win this one. As he put it on Twitter: “Congrats to my staff on 4 Emmy nominations. This bodes well for the future of The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien.”

-I have to mention it because apparently that’s all that we talk about, but Jamie Oliver’s show did get a nomination Outstanding Reality Program. It might now be a personal goal of mine to find a way to reference Jamie Oliver in every post we do. You have been warned. Of course I’d rather see Top Chef or Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List take the gold.

Maybe NOW we can get a reunited cast of Saved by the Bell.

And the rest you can pretty much guess. Glee was the obvious belle of the ball, Community and Better Off Ted got severely overlooked, LOST came back with bang while 24 was pretty much shut out, and apparently people are not only watching but enjoying Nurse Jackie. Go figure.

But I’m excited to watch these awards get doled out. It seems like a pretty good mix of old and new so it should keep things interesting. And the rest of it lies on the shoulders of Jimmy Fallon as the host. For those doubters out there, let me remind you of this and this. I think he’s got it in him.

He'll never be able to wear that shirt again.

I’m the type of person who is, how do you say, not very techno-savvy.  I still buy and read actual books–Kindle can suck it.  (Sidebar:  How will you demonstrate your intelligence to guests if you don’t have numerous leather-bound books lying around? Or how will you steady that Value Village table leg that is just a spaghetti-in-you-lap disaster waiting to happen? I worry about these things. But, as I was saying…) I also actually use my phone as a, dare I say it, phone. No internet, or GPSing or video playing. Just talkin’ and textin’ for this little lady.

But I will say that ever since I started using Gmail I’ve been keen to try out some of Google’s new ventures. They are so mainstream it’s hard not to just jump on the overcrowded bandwagon. Michael and I Google Doc-ed our review of Toy Story 3, I lost my planner and had to use Google Calendar for a summer and Google Blog search is fun for Saturday mornings while you eat your Special K with red berries.

Yes, Google has had their missteps just like any giant would. And by missteps I of course mean Google Buzz. No really, what the jank was up with that? Some weird cross between Twitter and Gchat that was all kinds of annoying. It has vanished off of the Gmail homepage and few even speak its name. It failed. Big time.

It's about time we stole this idea from the deaf.

But if you’re cautiously adventurous like me and want something new and cool to try out from the Google product shelf, might I suggest Google Voice. This service allows users to digitize and manage their voicemails without the use of their phone. You begin by creating an account, either by registering your current phone number or creating a Google number. I just used my regular number so as not to have to create a knock-off of those completely obnoxious “Lost Cell to Beer Damage, Need Numbers PLZ!!” Facebook events.  You’re welcome.

Once you’re signed up, here’s what the service offers:

1. Voicemail Transcription– They can do this in two ways. 1.) They send it as a text message right to your phone. Momma still doesn’t have unlimited texting so this option doesn’t work for me, but others might appreciate it. If you’re the receiver: think if you’re in a meeting, see that your phone rings, and then instead of having to step out to listen to it you can just read the transcription. Much easier to do and less disruptive. And if you’re the sender–no need to type out 4 texts worth of messages. Just leave a voicemail and Google Voice does it for you! 2.) They also include the transcription in an email. And yes, it does  get words wrong. That’s the fun of it! Drunk dialing is going to be taken to a whole new place. The possibilities make my head swim. My friend Brad called me and instead of “if you call me back, chances are,” Google Voice typed “if you call me back, Chancellor…” Comedic gold.

2. Share Voicemails– Along with the emailed transcription they will include an mp3 of the voicemail that you can download and share. Here are some quick possibilities for this function that I’ve come up with in the last 30 secs: 1. I no longer have to have 32 saved messages on my phone only allowing 2 people to leave me voicemails at a time before I have to go back and resave them all. You can now keep every voicemail that you receive, from “Happy Birthday” to “Damn it, just pay the light bill.” The hoarder within me just burst into tears. I have friends! Listen! Listen to the messages they leave me! 2. I think people could now use drunk dials for musical purposes and podcasts. Lay down a funky beat under the track and a voice synthesizer and you too could win a Grammy. (How do I trademark this idea? Remember: you heard it on PopFountain first.) 3. When someone bitches you out you can unleash that vindictive 13-year-old girl within and share it with your friends. Do it. I dare you. 4. I only thought of these options in 30 secs. Give me a minute and I could write you a dissertation.

3. Other Badass Features– I haven’t used any of these yet but here are some other components to be aware of: 1. You can now have 1 number that will connect with all of your different phone numbers like work, home and cell. 2. You can create separate greetings for different groups of people, like family, co-workers, friends, etc. 3.  And apparently you can also make really cheap international phone calls through their service.

I understand that a lot of my enjoyment of this new technology hinges on getting drunk dialed, but I can’t help it. I love that stuff. So if you’re interested, I say give it a try. I can even drunk dial you and show you some of the possibilities. That’s a PopFountain promise.

This feels like some kind of alternate Ask Ashley segment from All That episodes of yore, but I have to talk to you. I heard about what you’ve done. And all I have to say is: I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that you’re an idiot.

Amanda, how could you do this to us? You are one of the few young actresses in Hollywood that I don’t want to stab the eyes out of with my Thespian Troupe President pin. And trust me, that is saying something.

I’ll admit it: I don’t like your movies. She’s the Man was horrific. That “manish” accent you donned needs to only be used by southern gay gents on a porch while they sip lemonade. I don’t have time for that. But other people do! Young girls love your movies! I’m not your target audience–but they are. And they desperately need some good female role models that don’t want to become vampires. So why are you jumping ship?

Stop playing chicken with us.

I personally have always appreciated you because you are one of those few, fortunate women who can get away with physical comedy and weird accents because people genuinely…don’t mind you. You’re not brooding and annoying like Kristin Stewart or dumb as a paper clip like Miley Cyrus. You can be quirky and cute like in Hairspray without having to rely on your ability to sex it  up. You’re also not on every newsstand constantly bombarding us with how thin or happy you are. And maybe it’s because you’re boring that you are let off the hook but at least you don’t have people double checking that you’re wearing flip flops into gas station bathrooms. The media gives those other girls more attention which is why they get parts. But remember that people like you. They think you’re a stable person. And in case you were wondering: that’s a good thing.

Let’s face it, all of those other starlets that are “stealing your limelight” are probably going to die soon. Lindsey Lohan or alien twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen all seem so obviously effed up that it feels like it could be any day before one of them kicks it. Please hold out, Amanda. Keep being that down to Earth girl that we all wish you are in real life. I know we’ve forgotten about you, but your time is coming. Don’t make retirement plans that you can’t back up. What do you think Alexis Bledel, Hilary Duff, or Evan Rachel Wood are doing at this very moment? Rubbing their Kabbalah bracelet and scanning Perez Hilton for news of the latest celeb death, my friend. I suggest you pull up a pity yoga ball and do the same.

With mild love but gushing hope,

Kiki